**"Tears in the Toilet: Is My Toxic Office Worth Staying In?"**

Do you have a work dilemma, career quandary, or are facing challenges in the office? The i Paper ’s work column answers readers’ questions with leading experts in careers and workplace psychology. Email questions to work@

The company I work for is notorious in my industry for many reasons. It’s fast-paced with lots of opportunities to learn and swift career acceleration, but it’s also known for being quite a toxic environment or an ‘old boys club’ as some people have put it. I knew this when I started, but I wanted to take on the challenge, and everyone who has stuck it out at this company has been able to pretty much go on and work anywhere.

One of the senior members of my team is basically a bully – incredibly rude, swears a lot and is demeaning and intimidating. Every time I have flagged it, other members of staff have told me he just has “brash leadership style” and is “old school” and I just need to get used to it because I’ll “learn a lot from him if I get on board” and that he has “amazing vision”.

I’ve cried in the toilet before because of how nasty he can be, and struggled on the days I have meetings with him. A colleague has suggested that this is a great learning experience that will actually make me tougher and better at my job. Will it get better?

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Ifeoluwa Omotosho is an experienced lawyer turned careers advisor, running interview and CV masterclasses, and sharing tips on how to get a job in the civil service. Via her Instagram, @careersbyife , she posts CV, application and interview tips, as well as information about her experience requalifying as a lawyer after immigrating from her native Nigeria. Ifeoluwa was honoured with the Rising Star in Corporate award at the 2025 LWB Awards, recognised for her commitment to inspiring, mentoring and elevating professionals towards fulfilling careers.

While companies are now openly talking against discrimination, bias, and workplace toxicity, it still has not completely been erased. Just yesterday, I was working with a client who had to resign based on this same issue.

You have to expect that you will meet people like this in the workplace – they are everywhere. It’s important to build yourself up, so when you meet these people, you aren’t shocked or threatened and you already know how to deal with them. Building such resilience is important for developing a meaningful and successful career.

Trauma is not training

However, there is a difference between growing through challenges, and enduring toxic behaviour . The reasons you’ve been given to put up with your ‘brash’ boss are just excuses. Letting someone succeed because they’re “old school” is a complete red flag. This is 2025 – don’t be gaslit into normalising abusive behaviour. Enduring disrespect in the workplace may condition you to endure disrespect in other places.

So while you’re asking whether what’s happening will have the long-term benefit of actually making you tougher, I would counter, why would a toxic job make anyone tough? Life is tough enough. The economy is tough enough. Adulting is tough enough.

Yes, being in a difficult environment can stretch you, but if you’re running into the toilet to cry, that’s not fair on you. I would not encourage anyone to stay in a place where you feel drained, where you feel you are disrespected and diminished. I don’t think that’s worth it for anyone.

Create your exit roadmap

But, let’s also be realistic. You say your company is notorious within your industry, so it’s probably one where, if you put it on your CV, it will be a big deal for another employer looking to employ you. So if you’ve come to the conclusion that how you’re being treated is too much of a price to pay for your professional growth, I would try and reframe the situation so you can leverage your time in this business to build the best skills you can, as part of an exit strategy where you don’t just leave, but you leave in a better position than you are now.

I could tell you to document all the incidents of demeaning behaviour, to escalate to HR – which you can do, of course – but it’s not your job to fix what’s dysfunctional about this company. Focus on yourself in the most positive way.

First, ask yourself what you’re prepared to accept and for how long, and in that time frame, what do you want to have achieved? What projects do you want to have worked on? What skills and experience do you want to build? Is there a promotion that is realistic for you to achieve? What other leaders in the business do you want to grow visibility and relationships with, to serve you in the future? You are focusing on the behaviour of this one individual, but look beyond your immediate team for support, allyship and different perspectives – this will only help you.

Map this out against what projects you have already worked on and what results you have already delivered, and what gaps you think this company can help you fill – and that will become the basis of your exit strategy.

Don’t reach your breaking point

Toxic workplaces are everywhere. Most people stay because they don’t understand that disrespect, bullying , gaslighting, a company culture of blame, a lack of accountability, and fear-based leadership, are all signs of a toxic work environment.

The earlier you spot these signs, the earlier you’re able to count your own costs, and develop a strategy to manage how you come out of that situation well equipped for your next role. Ultimately, though, we all have a breaking point, a limit of how much toxicity we can tolerate. Don’t lose yourself in that – empower yourself.